The maid of honor just puked.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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