I think I won the penis lottery.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Damn victory sex feels great
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
