Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
