3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
