my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
