This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Duck Duck Cougar?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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