Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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