Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
