also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
