i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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