There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
