Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
