It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
