I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
