i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
