So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
