i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
