Got a toothbrush?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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