Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
