Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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