omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
