i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
