I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
