I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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