I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it hurts more in the daytime
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
