Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
