Just cropdusted the office
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
