Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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