I wanna bring you to show and tell
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
