You can't special order awesome
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
