there's paper in my vomit.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
