a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
