yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And then he peed in my hair
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