he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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