i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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