This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
