she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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