Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
