Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
