I wish I could teleport
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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