so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
