I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
