Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
