took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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