I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
