After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
