Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will be naked everywhere
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
