You're my little dorito
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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