Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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