Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
