I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
